Fictional History, or Is It?

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“A Future American History Reviewed” by Karen A. Olson (of Boulder Denver at the time of publication) was the Colorado state prize winning essay in American Voices: Prize-winning Essays on Freedom of Speech, Censorship and Advertising Bans published by Philip Morris USA in 1987. More about the crappy old book here.

Olson’s essay is nothing more than an exchange of six letters between the fictional characters Ben Fintz, editor of the journal, American History Revisited, and Karen, a contributing author to the journal.

The year is 2191. It is clear from the first letter than Karen and Ben are both professionally and personally acquainted, and we surmise are of the same socioeconomic bracket in late 22nd American society. Ben has offered Karen a writing assignment, “an article on the merger between the executive and judicial branches” that occurred in the late 21st century. Not being an expert in “politilegal history,” Karen shies away from that assignment, but offers an alternative: an article about the repeal and abolition of the First Amendment.

The letter exchange chronicles Karen’s research, and her and Ben’s reactions to her findings.

[For the sake of ease of reading, I’ve omitted many of the ellipses that would indicate I’m quoting from much longer paragraphs/letters.]

January 12, 2191

Dear Ben,

I’ve recently read some publications from the 1980s and 1990s, and I’ve run across a few pieces that shed light on the events that preceded the abolition of the First Amendment to the Constitution. Prevailing wisdom maintains that this peculiar little law just withered away of its own irrelevancy. However, I think I could make the case that a series of well-meaning but misdirected efforts was actually responsible for the death of unrestricted freedom of speech and press.

Contrary to popular belief, Americans in the 20th century did appear to place value on the First Amendment. The rhetoric of the period shows that, at least in theory, they held the concept in high esteem. In my article, I would argue that they never intended to abolish any part of the so-call “bill of Rights”; I will develop the hypothesis that they simply cut away at certain applications of the amendment until, ultimately, there was no amendment left.

Karen goes on to acknowledge that Ben may not be sympathetic to the idea. Indeed, he is not.

February 28, 2191

Dear Karen,

You have already anticipated my objection: Your topic is simply not important enough to warrant an assignment. Everyone agrees that unrestricted freedom of speech is a mad idea. Censorship is the only viable solution to deal with those who would contaminate innocent minds with unwise, false or even dangerous propositions.

You write as if the original intention of the Bill of Rights was to allow anyone to say or write anything he or she pleased. I expect you are mistaken here. Although I have not personally read Thomas Jefferson on the subject, I cannot believe such a brilliant man would advocate something so reckless.

Because of their personal relationship, he does not reject the idea outright and instead suggests she take a humorous tone by including other antiquated laws, “those laws that ban spitting on Sunday” and so on. He concludes by asking her, should she persist, to send periodic updates and by reminding her that no matter his decision “our Board of Directors must approve the content.”

Karen will pursue the idea.

March 3, 2191

Dear Ben,

I hope you did not confuse my enthusiasm for the topic with any softheaded notion that censorship is wrong.

Nevertheless, I am touched by the naive sincerity of the American people in the last half of the 20th century. The more I read, the more I am convinced that they really supported freedom of expression. Given their low level of education, simplicity is to be expected. … advanced minds were able to see the dangers in a flirtation with anarchy.

Karen then parenthetically notes that the masses did not change their collective minds about censorship. “Rather the advocates had to move slowly, issue by issue.” Repeat. Had the advocates been less skilled, the masses might have resisted… .

Upon re-reading her own words, she corrects herself.

yet my research shows that [the advocates of censorship] were as unaware as their followers of their destination. They did the right things for the wrong reasons.

Having not heard from Ben in several weeks, Karen assumes all is well and sends another update.

Continue reading →

An essay worth your time

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William Lind’s “Militant Musings: From Nightmare 1995 to my Utopia 2050” (pdf)

First published in The Washington Post on Sunday, April 30, 1995

A snippet from near the beginning:

You see, some time around the middle of the 18th century we men of the West

struck Faust’s bargain with the Devil. We could do anything, say anything, think

anything, with one exception: Verweile doch, du bist so schoen (Stay, you are so

beautiful). We could not rest; we could not get it right and then keep it that way. Always

we must have novelty – that was the bargain.

It’s funny how clearly the American century is marked: 1865 to 1965. The first

Civil War made us one nation. After 1965 and another war, we disunited – deconstructed

– with equal speed into blacks, whites, Hispanics, womyn, gays, victims, oppressors, lefthanded

albinos, you name it. In three decades we covered the distance that had taken

Rome three centuries. As recently as the early 1960s – God, it’s hard to believe –

America was still the greatest nation on earth, the most powerful, the most productive,

the freest, a place of safe homes, dutiful children in good schools, strong families, and a

hot lunch for orphans. By the 1990s the place had the stench of a Third World country.

The cities were ravaged by punks, beggars and bums. Laws applied only to the lawabiding.

Schools had become daytime holding pens for illiterate young savages.

Television brought the decadence of Weimar Berlin into every home.

Didn’t anyone realize that when the culture goes it takes everything else with it?

Of course, some people knew. But going back to a culture that worked, to traditional

Western Judeo-Christian culture, meant breaking the Faustian bargain.

About the Week in Pictures

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It was not very good. It just wasn’t. I downloaded a few and went back to look at them and said, “Why bother?”

This was probably the best one, in my opinion. But to get it– to appreciate the humor– you have to know the TV show which it came. I do but for the life of me, I cannot remember the name of it. Ted Danson was in it as some sort of angel-like character. I think. See what I mean?

In other news, I’m keeping an eye on Henri which has been downgraded to a tropical storm. As I said elsewhere, I do not like the hype that comes with weather vents. But I swear I have never seen such complacency. More about this later.

It’s Like Living in the Country!

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So today, I saw two very odd birds. One perched on the fence, the other on the tree. They flew around. I quietly snuck back into house, got a camera…

There were multiple text messages. We decided it was a Green Heron.

And then, I was just minding my own business working away at my desk and some motion caught my attention. A freaking coyote in the back yard. No. It was not a dog. You can tell by the way it walks. TIGER!! I scooped Tiger up and put him inside.

And then again, the coyote. On the range. And all the while the dogs were silent.

Went out to take some trash out and two gold finches flew by. Way too yellow for this time of year.

Sat back down and who should show up in the back yard but the doe and her fawn. She’d given birth in the over grown (fenced in) pasture. Mr. Big Food reported the other day that she was trying to get the younin’ to jump the fence, but it wasn’t big enough yet. Today they made the break.

Filed under “Dumba*^”

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On the one hand, I feel for the guy. As you can see, this is a very low bridge– it’s a train track above a fairly busy street just beyond downtown in Starkvegas. On the other hand, ….

Takes all kinds, or so I’m told.

*My* Marketing Strategy

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As part of the marketing strategy for my new book, Miss Missy’s School: A Pack of Farm Dogs Starts a School, I’d like to introduce– or in some cases, reacquaint– you to Missy and Rocky. I’ll be posting several short short stories about them, and a character called ‘Marica,’ outside the context of the book. (Most have been previously published, though I have plans for some new content as well.) These are not excerpts from the book, but rather a look at who Missy, Rocky, and Marica are as they just hang out here on the farm.

A note about the art, below. This is a cropped selection of the very first sketch Daughter C drew long ago. She’s done many more since and I’ll share some of those works as we go along.

Please do feel free to hit the tip jar. As many of you know, I’m self-publishing. To do the book justice, I’m having it professionally formatted and am incurring other expenses as well. All contributions will go toward publication.

Marketing Strategy

Originally published on June 7, 2021 by Marica

Art work by Daughter C; Missy (L), Rocky (R)

“Hey, Missy? Do you have a minute?” Marica asked.

“Sure, Marica. What can I help you with?” Missy looked up from an enormous pile of open books on her desk.

“How’s your book doing?”

“Well,” said Missy, “I’ve still quite a number of researches to do, especially with regard to Purgatorio, but I’d say it’s coming along quite nicely, thanks for asking.”

“Ruff?” asked Rocky.

“Dear Friend, Marica asked how the book was doing and I answered,” Missy replied. “I don’t understand your confusion.”

“What are you talking about, Missy?” Marica echoed Rocky.

“My book. Tentatively titled– because I’ll not make that mistake again!– Veiled Virtues, though I haven’t yet worked out the Latin.”

“R.U.F.F.” Here we go again, thought Rocky. He had sorely hoped Missy’s attentions would be wholly consumed by Miss Missy’s School and her students, but apparently he was mistaken. “Ruff,” he said as he picked up his copy of The Oxford Book of English Detective Stories and headed into his box.

“Okay, Missy. Let me see if I have this straight. You’re writing another book?” Marica asked.

“Yes,” Missy replied. “Summer vacation affords me the opportunity to be very productive. Just like John.”

“That’s just wonderful! I’m looking forward to hearing more about it,” Marica said. “But I was asking about Vitiosus Canes, Virtutum Actus.”

“ruffruff,” Rocky grumbled from somewhere deep in his box. As he had said many times, he didn’t know what was wrong with plain spoken English. Vicious Dogs, Virtuous Acts sounded to him like a perfectly fine title. “ruffruff.”

“Oh my! How silly of me! I haven’t checked in a month or so. Let’s see,” Missy said as she opened her iDevise and put on her reading glasses. “My goodness! It’s doing wonderfully, Marica. Look at this! It’s #43 in Children’s Fantasy, right behind Where the Wild Things Are. Oh! And even better! It’s #15 in Children’s Classics, right behind The Hobbit. My Epic Novel is a classic!”

“Good heavens, Missy! You are in some amazing company!” Marica was truly impressed. She had, of course, read Missy’s book– and it was indeed an epic tale! But she thought not of the sort that would have garnered such popularity. “How did you do it?”

“RUFF!?!” Rocky was most impressed, too.

“Do what?”

“Sell so many books? Get so many readers? Engage so many people?” Marica asked. “What was your marketing strategy?”

“I’m not sure I had one, Marica. As you know my goal was not primarily to sell books, but rather to get my Epic Novel into the hands of as many of those poor dears who don’t care to read as possible. I would not have minded if only one-thousand copies had been sold, if those had been passed around one-hundred times,” Missy explained.

“But you must have done something! You’re self-published. Self-published books don’t find their way to the hands of thousands upon thousands of kids with no effort from the author at all,” Marica was astounded. Surly Missy had done something. “What’s your secret?”

“Well, Marica,” Missy sighed and thought for a moment. “I suppose the first thing I did was write a captivating tale that swept the dear children– and I imagine their grownups as well, as they are the ones buying the book– into a time and place wherein their souls could fly… ”

“It was a captivating tale,” Marica interrupted. “But once the book was written and published, what did you do?”

TO BE CONTINUED JUST AS SOON AS I FIGURE OUT WHAT MISSY DID.

Recipe: Mrs. John Wolff’s Scripture Cake

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This looks good! There’s a PDF of the recipe at the end of this post. You can download it.

From First Lady Bicentennial Cookbook, South Carolina (1975), Section 4, Breads and Rolls, “Committee’s Choice,” Mrs. John Wolff, SCFWC, Florence, S.C.

MRS. JOHN WOLFF’S SCRIPTURE CAKE

Makes 1 large tube can or 2 loaf cakes

1 C Judges 5:25 “last clause: butter” (“He asked for water, and she gave him milk; in a bowl fit for nobles she brought him curdled milk.”)


¾ C Jeremiah 6:20 (“To what purpose cometh there to me incense from Sheba, and the sweet cane from a far country? your burnt offerings are not acceptable, nor your sacrifices sweet unto me.”) (sugar)


¼ C Proverbs 24:13 (“My son, eat thou honey, because it is good; and the honeycomb, which is sweet to thy taste”) (honey)


6 Job 38:14 (“She lays her eggs on the ground and lets them warm in the sand”) (eggs)


1st Kings 10:2 (“And she came to Jerusalem with a very great train, with camels that bare spices, and very much gold, and precious stones: and when she was come to Solomon, she communed with him of all that was in her heart.”) ( 1½ tsp ground cinnamon tsp ground cloves, 1 tsp ground allspice, 1 tsp ground nutmeg)


3 tsp Amos 4: 5 (“Burn leavened bread as a thank offering and brag about your freewill offerings—boast about them, you Israelites, for this is what you love to do,” declares the Sovereign LORD.”) (baking powder, plus 1 tsp baking soda)


1 tsp Leviticus 2:13 (“And every oblation of thy meat offering shalt thou season with salt; neither shalt thou suffer the salt of the covenant of thy God to be lacking from thy meat offering: with all thine offerings thou shalt offer salt.”) (salt)


3¾ C 1st Kings 4:22 (“Solomon’s daily provisions were thirty cors of the finest flour and sixty cors of meal,”) (unsifted all-purpose flour)


1 C Genesis 24:11 (“And he made his camels to kneel down outside the city by a well of water at the time of the evening, even the time that women go out to draw water.”) (water, “we substitute 1 cup cold buttermilk”)


2 C 1st Samuel 30:12 (“And they gave him a piece of a cake of figs, and two clusters of raisins: and when he had eaten, his spirit came again to him: for he had eaten no bread, nor drunk any water, three days and three nights.”) (second clause: raisins)


2 C Revelations 6:13 (“and the stars in the sky fell to earth, as figs drop from a fig tree when shaken by a strong wind.” (cut up dried figs)


1 C Numbers 17:8 (“The next day Moses entered the tent and saw that Aaron’s staff, which represented the tribe of Levi, had not only sprouted but had budded, blossomed and produced almonds.” (chopped almonds)

Preheat oven to 300o. Heavily grease and flour a 10-inch tube or Bundt pan or 2 9x5x3-inch loaf pans. In a large bowl, with electric mixer at medium speed, beat butter until smooth, add sugar gradually and beat in well. Clean beaters, then blend in honey at low speed. Add eggs 1 at a time, beating at medium-high speed after each addition. On a large sheet of waxed paper combine cinnamon, cloves, allspice, nutmeg, baking powder, baking soda, salt and 3¼ C of the flour. Add blended dry ingredients to batter alternately with buttermilk. Toss remaining ½ C flour with raisins, figs and almonds and gently fold fruit and nuts into batter. Pour batter into pan(s), cut through with a knife to distribute evenly and bake about 1 hour 30 minutes or until a cake tester poked into center comes out clean. Let cool in pan(s) 30 minutes, then turn out of pan(s) and cool completely on rack.

PDF: Mrs. John Wolff’s Scripture Cake

Befallen Adventures

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The Adventures of Ulysses, Charles Lamb

He gave them a brief relation of all the

adventures that had befallen him.

This is going to be a fun book to read. First published in 1808, mine is the Platt & Peck Co. edition from 1902. We’ll read along together in the next few days.

Consider hitting the tip jar. What other blog do you read that has had “Charles & Mary Lamb” as a tag for 10 years or so?