They must not have had you for a mother,” said Miss M. in a comment on my throw-away post on common courtesy which was a post comparing and contrasting the post-visit behaviors of some recent guests to the Farm.

Miss M. and I share a love of proper grammar and of etiquette.  We get it from Mama. I’ll be the first to admit that neither Mama nor I live up to our own standards. (But we at least have standards!) Miss. M. is doin’ us proud.

Miss. M’s comment got me thinking about guest behavior.

Again– I am no model. The best I do is bring homemade pickles– assuming my hosts enjoy pickles– and later dash off a “Thank you” email.

I was too lazy to consult my many many crappy old books on the subject of guest/host behaviors, so I just swung my chair around and caught the first one that was within arms’ reach. And what do you know? Amy Vanderbilt has a lot to say about Hosts and Guests If You live in the Real Country (pages 313-336 of Amy Vanderbilt’s New Complete Book of Etiquette, 1967.)

After we get past how to delicately ask if a formal dinner jacket will be needed for a weekend in the country, I liked this passage:

“… but like to let them entertain themselves in whatever manner that pleases them most.”

“One the other hand, someone is to be at the helm, to see that everyone is comfortable… .”

Click to make readable.

I often forget that folks just want to sit around when they come out to The Farm.