with wild-caught shrimp and crab from The United States of America

If you’ve never had Mr. Big Food’s Sea Food Gumbo, you don’t know what your missing. Which reminds me– .

Dear Mr. /Ms Low-Man-on-the-Totem-Pole-Who’s-Tasked-with-Reading-My-Little-Blog,

You know you’re welcome to come out to the Farm, don’t you? We eat pretty well. What we lack in fancy markets– the nearest Whole Foods is in Memphis, but you knew that– we make up for in gardens, Mississippi farm-raised cat fish, & the like. And Mr. Big Food does love to cook for city mice. So you’re welcome to come out any time.

You don’t have a standing invitation, though. So you’ll have to let me know ahead of time when you’re coming. That shouldn’t be too much of a burden– you have my email addresses, home address, home and cell telephone numbers, as well as those of the folk with whom I am in regular contact. You can figure it out.

I know that you might be a little tiny bit scared b/c of the gun and wacko-bird Libertarian talk, but you shouldn’t be. Some of our best friends were once Liberal Progressives who pined for the good old days of feudalism. You could be one, too! A Friend, that is. (It’s amazing what the rush of the recoil of a 12 gauge shotgun and a bowl of seafood gumbo can do to one’s political views.)

Please do note that at our first meeting, I will give you a good old fashioned dressing down. You deserve it. You should know better than to be drawing a paycheck for spying on me– although I do appreciate the hits! But once we’ve gotten past that, I’m sure we’ll get along just fine.

So call me. Let me know if you have any dietary restrictions– I’ll pass them along to Mr. Big Food and he can plan the menu accordingly.

Oh. Also. If you want the full experience, I’d recommend a weekend in the Fall when State plays a home game. You could come with us to an American football game complete with the SEC (that’s South East Conference) American football game tailgate. Do you know what an Sec tailgate is? The SEC kicks ass.

We might even host a little thing here at the Farm in your… “honor” isn’t really the right word, b/c we all think what you’re doing is deserving of shame. But I’m sure a bunch of folk would come out to meet someone who has no shame.

Think about it. Give me a call.

Sincerely,

Marica

He’ll never call.