You may recall I did some hard core serious research on civilization the other day. I learned that engaging in science is a necessary condition for civilization. Everybody knows you can’t do science without math.

We like math here on the Farm. In fact, we like math so much that we often do it in our heads! But you can not always do math in your head. Sometimes you have to use your fingers & toes and pencils & paper. Sometimes our problems are so complicated that even if we count Rocky & Missy’s fingers and toes and use our crappy old adding machine we still can’t figure them out. How can we be civilized and do science here on the Farm if we can’t do complicated math problems?

You can imagine my excitement a few weeks ago when I came upon a crappy old book The Slide Rule and How to Use It: A Text-Work Book (Sommers et al., 1942). For free! Complicated problems solved! Literally, literally. There was just one problem. Even though the front cover clearly states, “Learn with FREE slide rule attached ==>” there was no longer a slide rule attached. (Too much to ask after … let’s see, 1942-52-62…, 73 years? Maybe so.)

As I was anxious to be productive this afternoon while I watched what used to be an exciting, All-American sport with top-notch play and officiating, along with its associated inspiring commercials (talk about the decline of civilization!), I decided to purchase a slide-rule.

These are the top two hits for “slide rule calculator” at Amazon.

These are not slide rules. The first I can get on my Android device. My Android device does not have a 3-D printer so I’m not sure how that works. The second is a fancy T-rule. It’s cool looking but I wouldn’t wait a month for something that isn’t a real slide rule.

So now I am on a hunt for a regulation slide rule because I’ve gotten it in my head that you can’t be civilized if you don’t have a slide rule and know how to use it.

Yeah yeah. iThingies. The key feature of a slide rule is that it’s a mechanical analog computer. Every civilized home needs one because we’ll see how smart you are when the lights go out.

Leave a note in the comments if you can help me figure this problem out. Thanks!