A short story with comments

So the Lady from Memphis came out this morning to measure.

1. Why does Home Depot in Oxford, Mississippi contract with a company in Memphis to measure? Doesn’t anyone in Oxford know how to measure?

2. Measure. You know what that means, don’t you? To paraphrase, Let’$ $ee if I can help you $pend $ome more dollar$ on $stuff I $ay you $hould have.

(By the way, the amount of stuff Daughter C designed into the new kitchen for the Greenhouse Apartment at High Water Hill that we are not putting in is amazing.)

Anyway– I took the Lady from Memphis up to the Greenhouse Apartment so she could mea$ure and sure enough she said, “You aren’t doing wall cabinets? Or putting in an island? Or a dishwasher… .”

And I said, “No.”

Then she said, “What about shelves? Shelves above would look great! You have so many collectibles. Think how great shelves would look.”

3. I agreed with the fact that shelves would look great but if we are going to put shelves up they will be BOOK SHELVES.

4. Did you catch that, though? I thought I had a bunch of crappy old stuff and as it turns out I have “collectibles.”

And then she said, “You’re an artist, right? I can tell you’re an artist.”

5. ROTFLMAO. Me. An artist! Ha.

She did her measuring– and said I was in big trouble if the backsplash was 4″ tall– and I didn’t buy shelves and she started working on the installation estimate and remarked that she had no service– meaning internet– service. I said that was common and she said, “Yeah. Some times when I’m out in the middle of nowh…” catching herself before she said “nowhere” because I suppose she thought it might be insulting to someone who has “collectibles.”

6. When she said that bit about the backsplash I thought to myself, something is wrong. Daughter C is not from Memphis but she does know how to measure and she doesn’t make mistakes. So I asked the Lady if she didn’t want the end of her tape measure to be on the ACTUAL FLOOR instead of on the top of the baseboard and she was a little embarrassed.

7. First, it isn’t really the middle of nowhere. Memphis is only 2 1/2 hours away. Second, we live here on purpose. Why would I be insulted?

We left the Greenhouse Apartment and went into the kitchen in the Big house and she did some more estimating and when she was done I keeled over and fell on the floor.

After she left I picked up the phone and called our local plumber and asked him how much he would charge to hook up water and drain pipes if everything was already installed and the lines were just right there. He told me he’d have to make two trips– he lives closer than Memphis– but he figured he could do it for about a hundred bucks or so. He laughed and laughed when I told him how much the folks from Memphis wanted to charge.

The End

7 Responses

  1. What a hilarious story! Sort of sounds like a City Mouse/Country Mouse situation to me…

  2. The ones that get me – on Craigslist – are the “antiques”…from the ’70s…!!

    I guess I know where that leaves me…!

    1. I know. What’s crazy too is to go into an “antique” store and see the corning warn that’s in my cupboard.

  3. Ah yes…Corning Ware – and Revere Ware.

    What’s sold as Corning Ware today isn’t – to me, anyway. Corning Ware is supposed to be oven safe _and_ stove safe – you can use it on your burner – but that’s no longer true. What’s sold as Corning Ware now is oven proof – and really attractive as casserole dishes – but you can’t put them directly on a burner. Revere Ware is made in Malaysia these days, and the copper bottom looks like it’s been painted on. Definitely not the same quality as “vintage” Reverre Ware.

    My understanding is that RevereWare was initially produced as a sideline either during the war (WWII), or immediately after it. Then sometime in the late 80s, the company invested heavily in aluminum and somehow or other lost their figurative shirts, so sold the line to Corning. Corning then lost their shirts in the lawsuits – the breast implants suit that was probably unjustified – and sold both lines to OKA (no, that’s not right…but three letters starting with O ) who now owns pretty much all of the kitchenware stuff…and all of it is less than it was.
    Personally, I like the tri-ply RevereWare. No pretty copper bottoms to polish…but good sturdy pots . By the way – I’m still using the RevereWare my Dad gave my Mom – sometime in the 50s. Maybe that’s why they went broke – the stuff is _too_ good! Still use my Corning Ware as well – including the detachable handle that got taken off the market because it was “dangerous”. Sometimes people are idiots.

    1. Not sure why but you wound up in the spam folder again– which explains why your OXO comment made *no* sense at all at first!

      My mom is still using the same pots and pans that she started out with, too. Good stuff.

      I have noticed– is it just me?– that a lot more cookware is pretty vs. truly functional. Like it’s supposed to just sit there why you go out to eat every night. And what is still good stuff to actually use day in and day out and last longer than a year or two is so ridiculously expensive as to be unbuyable.

      And now that I think of it, the same can be said for things like table lines and such. And for sure towels. Towels have really ticked me off lately.

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