I was told I was to be in Kansas.

Imagine my surprise upon discovering that I am in Missouri.

This is not the sort of mistake I make. Indeed, I asked, “Missouri or Kansas?” as I was checking on the weather. I was told Kansas but, “It’s all one big thing.”

It may be but I am in Missouri. Missouri is a stupid state.

AND NOW Mr. Big Food is telling me that Missouri is also where Branson is. Branson! In the Ozarks.  Where all of the has-beens go to sing. That’s in Arkansas. You know, Ar-Kansas. As in Hope. And Hot Springs.

I need to brush up on my geography. I’m better than New Yorkers are at this sort of thing

but clearly the fact that I am in Missouri rather than Kansas indicates that I have some work to do.