Above, District 3 Supervisor, Randy Rico, uses a wet saw to cut our sidewalk, sans safety goggles. ‘Cause that’s just how badass Rico is.

Please take a minute to read the whole thing. It is dumb crook news at its finest. (Note that a “dually” is common parlance for a pickup truck with two rear wheels on each side. Big big truck. In the Ford F-series nothing smaller than an F-350 can be a dually.)

To recap: Three dumbasses, one– surely the brains of the operation– nearly 40 years older than the others, decide to toss an I-beam in the back of their dually, drag it home, load it on a trailer, and haul it to a scrap metal place.

We looked up the location; this is a pretty remote area of the county. 

So Randy Rico, in his role as District Supervisor (which means he’s in charge of roads and bridges in that remote part of the county) pulls up to the bridge site and sees an I-beam has gone missing. Can you just imagine how p*&^ed off he is? $1500 is a lot of money, plus a missing I-beam has to be replaced and that’s going to take at least some amount of time, and that is going to put the bridge project behind schedule. 

Let’s get back to the three dumbasses. How supremely stupid do you have to be to steal something and then drag it home? It’s not like it’s bone dry out there. We’ve had more than 5″ rain in the past week or two. And it gets even better. “Salley Road between Alva and Webster-Lodi roads” is a gravel road. So they dragged an I-beam home down a wet gravel road. At some point, they turned onto a paved county road to get to “a residence on Webster-Lodi Road.” Still, an I-beam scraping along a paved road must have left a mark or two. What great detective work!

And I wonder if our three dumb asses planned this out, or if it was spontaneous? “Hey man, you seen that I-beam over by the bridge? We could get over there, tie it to the truck and drag it home, have a beer and then load it up in the trailer and take it up ta Grenada to that scrap place.”

Or

“Hey, look! An I-beam. Score!”