This is hilarious.

I tried to buy a gun at Walmart twice, and roadblocks left me empty-handed both times

I encourage you to read the whole thing because it is laugh out loud funny how completely ignorant some people are.

Pay particular attention to the “roadblocks,” otherwise know as rules.

So this woman starts by calling local Walmarts to figure out which ones sell guns. She has all sorts of difficulties b/c you know, they just don’t say. Lots more ignorant hilarity and finally she walks into one that does. Not long into the piece, you begin to realize she has never been in a WalMart before.

When I arrived, I looked for the sporting-goods department. I found it about 100 steps from the closest entrance to the store.

I thought at first this was an outright lie. A pace is about 2.5 feet, so 250 feet. What WalMart have you ever been in that had the sporting goods department at the front entrance? Note, however, that she says “closest entrance.” Ah ha! Sporting goods is next to Automotive, and if there’s a shop, there is an entrance. True, but misleading, especially for folks like herself who have never set foot in a WalMart.

On my way to the department, I walked past shelves of school supplies, the toy department, and the bike shop.

Oh the children!!!

A selection of about 20 rifles and shotguns was displayed in a locked glass case behind the sporting-goods counter. The guns ranged in price from $159 to $474.

The counter in front of the guns displayed pocket knives, binoculars, and digital night-vision monoculars inside a locked case.

Not quite sure what she was expecting. Walk in. Put a 12-ga. off the shelf, mosy on over to the self-checkout?

I told an employee behind the counter that I wanted to buy a gun. They called for a manager.

FOR THE LOVE OF STRUNK & WHITE AGREEMENT PEOPLE. AGREEMENT. HE OR SHE OR XE OR WHATEVER BUT NOT THEY.

After a few minutes, a Walmart manager arrived at the gun-sales counter. She said I could not buy a gun that day because no authorized firearm sellers were scheduled to work.

She. Much better. “Authorized firearms sellers.” What a concept.

Walmart also complies with state-specific requirements where applicable.

Go figure. So she comes back two days later. Blah blah. Need to have two employees present to make sure everything is on the up & up. Blah blah.

I started filling out the necessary paperwork to buy a gun.

The seller told me that my background check would likely be completed within a few minutes after I finished the paperwork. Once the purchase was finalized, an employee would walk the gun out to my car with me.
But I had only just finished printing my name when she stopped me and asked whether the address on my license matched my home address. I had moved since I obtained my license, and the addresses didn’t match.
That was a problem, she said.

That’s a problem.

To pass the background check, I would need to bring in a government-issued document with my correct address, such as a bill from a state-owned utility or a car registration. (I have never bought a gun, so I wasn’t aware of this.)
She apologized, told me the rules were strict around background checks, and asked me to come back another time to finish the purchase.