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I guess I’m getting rather prudish in my old age because I don’t think these are funny at all. I find the ones with flowers particularly objectionable.
You live a shitshow and have bitches for friends? What does this say about you? You are a miserable piece of shit living a shitshow life that your bitches for friends find funny? This is not by any standard a way to live a human life. Go for it if you want but it ain’t all that hard to do better. You could start by having some respect for yourself and your friends– at least for those who refuse to go away. You could set some standards. It may well be that you live your shitshow life in a shithole but you could get off your lazy ass when your friends are coming over and gussy the joint up a bit. You could welcome them to your home.
Your shitshow life lived with you bitch friends in your shithole is nothing to be proud of! (of which to be… whatever).
Try this, instead–

Don’t you feel better already?
But swearing is irreverent and hip, especially juxtaposed with my new Lululemon yoga pants and insulated travel mug of chardonnay. Also, my 7 and 9 year old kids sound so cute when they say “bitch” and “shitshow.”
“insulated travel mug of chardonnay”
Now that right there sounds positively gross.
Do people still wash their kids’ mouths out with soap? Or is that child abuse now?
“Do people still wash their kids’ mouths out with soap? Or is that child abuse now?”
Why would they?? The kids are just saying the same things they hear their parents use…and the parents sure aren’t going to wash their _own_ mouths out!!! If you asked them that (if they washed their kid’s mouths out) they’d just want to know why!!
There is _no_ unacceptable language any more.
And as for the door mats….I suspect it has to do with concentrated living and overpopulation. In the cities…too many people! PEOPLE EVERYWHERE!!! STAY OUT OF MY HOUSE!!!!! GIVE ME ROOM TO BREATHE!!! In the country…people are welcome. jmo…
Good point on the parent-kid language. Hadn’t thought of that. Sad.
The door mat thing just seems so rude! Also sad.