As part of the marketing strategy for my new book, Miss Missy’s School: A Pack of Farm Dogs Starts a School, I’d like to introduce– or in some cases, reacquaint– you to Missy and Rocky. I’ll be posting several short short stories about them, and a character called ‘Marica,’ outside the context of the book. (Most have been previously published, though I have plans for some new content as well.) These are not excerpts from the book, but rather a look at who Missy, Rocky, and Marica are as they just hang out here on the farm.
A note about the art, below. This is a cropped selection of the very first sketch Daughter C drew long ago. She’s done many more since and I’ll share some of those works as we go along.
Please do feel free to hit the tip jar. As many of you know, I’m self-publishing. To do the book justice, I’m having it professionally formatted and am incurring other expenses as well. All contributions will go toward publication.
“Sure, Marica. What can I help you with?” Missy looked up from an enormous pile of open books on her desk.
“How’s your book doing?”
“Well,” said Missy, “I’ve still quite a number of researches to do, especially with regard to Purgatorio, but I’d say it’s coming along quite nicely, thanks for asking.”
“Ruff?” asked Rocky.
“Dear Friend, Marica asked how the book was doing and I answered,” Missy replied. “I don’t understand your confusion.”
“What are you talking about, Missy?” Marica echoed Rocky.
“My book. Tentatively titled– because I’ll not make that mistake again!– Veiled Virtues, though I haven’t yet worked out the Latin.”
“R.U.F.F.” Here we go again, thought Rocky. He had sorely hoped Missy’s attentions would be wholly consumed by Miss Missy’s School and her students, but apparently he was mistaken. “Ruff,” he said as he picked up his copy of The Oxford Book of English Detective Stories and headed into his box.
“Okay, Missy. Let me see if I have this straight. You’re writing another book?” Marica asked.
“Yes,” Missy replied. “Summer vacation affords me the opportunity to be very productive. Just like John.”
“That’s just wonderful! I’m looking forward to hearing more about it,” Marica said. “But I was asking about Vitiosus Canes, Virtutum Actus.”
“ruffruff,” Rocky grumbled from somewhere deep in his box. As he had said many times, he didn’t know what was wrong with plain spoken English. Vicious Dogs, Virtuous Acts sounded to him like a perfectly fine title. “ruffruff.”
“Oh my! How silly of me! I haven’t checked in a month or so. Let’s see,” Missy said as she opened her iDevise and put on her reading glasses. “My goodness! It’s doing wonderfully, Marica. Look at this! It’s #43 in Children’s Fantasy, right behind Where the Wild Things Are. Oh! And even better! It’s #15 in Children’s Classics, right behind The Hobbit. My Epic Novel is a classic!”
“Good heavens, Missy! You are in some amazing company!” Marica was truly impressed. She had, of course, read Missy’s book– and it was indeed an epic tale! But she thought not of the sort that would have garnered such popularity. “How did you do it?”
“RUFF!?!” Rocky was most impressed, too.
“Do what?”
“Sell so many books? Get so many readers? Engage so many people?” Marica asked. “What was your marketing strategy?”
“I’m not sure I had one, Marica. As you know my goal was not primarily to sell books, but rather to get my Epic Novel into the hands of as many of those poor dears who don’t care to read as possible. I would not have minded if only one-thousand copies had been sold, if those had been passed around one-hundred times,” Missy explained.
“But you must have done something! You’re self-published. Self-published books don’t find their way to the hands of thousands upon thousands of kids with no effort from the author at all,” Marica was astounded. Surly Missy had done something. “What’s your secret?”
“Well, Marica,” Missy sighed and thought for a moment. “I suppose the first thing I did was write a captivating tale that swept the dear children– and I imagine their grownups as well, as they are the ones buying the book– into a time and place wherein their souls could fly… ”
“It was a captivating tale,” Marica interrupted. “But once the book was written and published, what did you do?”
TO BE CONTINUED JUST AS SOON AS I FIGURE OUT WHAT MISSY DID.
This looks good! There’s a PDF of the recipe at the end of this post. You can download it.
From First Lady Bicentennial Cookbook, South Carolina (1975), Section 4, Breads and Rolls, “Committee’s Choice,” Mrs. John Wolff, SCFWC, Florence, S.C.
MRS. JOHN WOLFF’S SCRIPTURE CAKE
Makes 1 large tube can or 2 loaf cakes
1 C Judges 5:25 “last clause: butter” (“He asked for water, and she gave him milk; in a bowl fit for nobles she brought him curdled milk.”)
¾ C Jeremiah 6:20 (“To what purpose cometh there to me incense from Sheba, and the sweet cane from a far country? your burnt offerings are not acceptable, nor your sacrifices sweet unto me.”) (sugar)
¼ C Proverbs 24:13 (“My son, eat thou honey, because it is good; and the honeycomb, which is sweet to thy taste”) (honey)
6 Job 38:14 (“She lays her eggs on the ground and lets them warm in the sand”) (eggs)
1st Kings 10:2 (“And she came to Jerusalem with a very great train, with camels that bare spices, and very much gold, and precious stones: and when she was come to Solomon, she communed with him of all that was in her heart.”) ( 1½ tsp ground cinnamon tsp ground cloves, 1 tsp ground allspice, 1 tsp ground nutmeg)
3 tsp Amos 4: 5 (“Burn leavened bread as a thank offering and brag about your freewill offerings—boast about them, you Israelites, for this is what you love to do,” declares the Sovereign LORD.”) (baking powder, plus 1 tsp baking soda)
1 tsp Leviticus 2:13 (“And every oblation of thy meat offering shalt thou season with salt; neither shalt thou suffer the salt of the covenant of thy God to be lacking from thy meat offering: with all thine offerings thou shalt offer salt.”) (salt)
3¾ C 1st Kings 4:22 (“Solomon’s daily provisions were thirty cors of the finest flour and sixty cors of meal,”) (unsifted all-purpose flour)
1 C Genesis 24:11 (“And he made his camels to kneel down outside the city by a well of water at the time of the evening, even the time that women go out to draw water.”) (water, “we substitute 1 cup cold buttermilk”)
2 C 1st Samuel 30:12 (“And they gave him a piece of a cake of figs, and two clusters of raisins: and when he had eaten, his spirit came again to him: for he had eaten no bread, nor drunk any water, three days and three nights.”) (second clause: raisins)
2 C Revelations 6:13 (“and the stars in the sky fell to earth, as figs drop from a fig tree when shaken by a strong wind.” (cut up dried figs)
1 C Numbers 17:8 (“The next day Moses entered the tent and saw that Aaron’s staff, which represented the tribe of Levi, had not only sprouted but had budded, blossomed and produced almonds.” (chopped almonds)
Preheat oven to 300o. Heavily grease and flour a 10-inch tube or Bundt pan or 2 9x5x3-inch loaf pans. In a large bowl, with electric mixer at medium speed, beat butter until smooth, add sugar gradually and beat in well. Clean beaters, then blend in honey at low speed. Add eggs 1 at a time, beating at medium-high speed after each addition. On a large sheet of waxed paper combine cinnamon, cloves, allspice, nutmeg, baking powder, baking soda, salt and 3¼ C of the flour. Add blended dry ingredients to batter alternately with buttermilk. Toss remaining ½ C flour with raisins, figs and almonds and gently fold fruit and nuts into batter. Pour batter into pan(s), cut through with a knife to distribute evenly and bake about 1 hour 30 minutes or until a cake tester poked into center comes out clean. Let cool in pan(s) 30 minutes, then turn out of pan(s) and cool completely on rack.
This is going to be a fun book to read. First published in 1808, mine is the Platt & Peck Co. edition from 1902. We’ll read along together in the next few days.
Consider hitting the tip jar. What other blog do you read that has had “Charles & Mary Lamb” as a tag for 10 years or so?
but I thought since you’re coming along with me on my little self-publishing adventure, you’d get a kick out of this.
Let’s hone in on this, and do a spot of research.
Find out which best-selling authors you write like
Now, taken at face value, this could be rephrased as, “Of whose work is yours derivative?” where ‘derivative’ means derived, not original or fundamental. But that’s not the point I want to make. (Why you would care is a better question, though Missy did fall prey to one of these scams a few years ago, remember?)
Which best-selling author do you write like? Once you find the answer, you are able reply, “I write like Catullus.”
And then you get to say, “Why in the world would I trust the analysis of my writing style to someone/thing which does not even know that you should not use like instead of the conjunction, as?
I write as Catullus writes.
The Elements of Style, William Strunk Jr., and E.B. White
And now, Dear Readers,
it’s time to beg for money. I do have legitimate expenses coming up very soon. Your help in funding the publication of Miss Missy’s School: Book I A Pack of Farm Dogs Starts a School would be very very much appreciated at this time. Thank you!
Went to the Gulf. Ate wonderful seafood. Cooked seafood in the rental that’s not really set up for cooking seafood, but we’re resourceful. No fishing but that’s another story. Absolutely delightful Sunday brunch at The Chimneys.
Turned North.
Just north of Hattiesburg the truck informed us that its engine thought it was too hot to go another mile. Okay.
Pulled over. Waited. Brain stormed.
Ah ha!
There’s a “Take 5” drive through oil change place in Laurel open seven days a week. Call.
Nine miles. And we’d been pulled over for 30 mins. Good to go.
So we pull in and the dude says they top off for free. Five and one half quarts of coolant is not exactly topping off. So John gave the kid $20. They also topped off the oil. See here for the saga of the oil change.
So I just want to comment that when I get the oil changed at the place in Starkvegas that reassures me they check all of the fluid level, I’ve come to realize they’ve lied to me. There was no coolant in the reservoir. None.
We’re home. Without the dogs. Fewer than 12 hours until we reunite. Then all will be well.
It’s going to be a short Week in Pictures. Sorry. I cannot get WordPress to upload photos from my iPad, so I have to upload using my phone. A real pain. I’ll choose only the very best. TTY soon.
I get at least a half-dozen of these type emails each day. The split between including valuable information and trying to sell something is probably 30/70.
I’m am hopelessly old fashioned, thinking that somewhere in all this there’s a reader.
The changing of the truck’s oil is something that’s incorporated into a routine Starkvegas errand day. This week is combobulated. There were nine cars stacked up for an oil change at the place, and so we drove past commenting that “I’ll do it in town.”
So I went to town today and was informed that the replacement of the something or other on the vehicle up on the thing would be done in about an hour, at which time the changing of the oil could commence. I didn’t really feel like wasting an hour at the flea mall. So I drove to the detail shop– which does good work– and asked if they did oil changes. Yes! Drive right over there.
It took them two tries to explain to me what “right over there” meant.
Hum.
Cutting to the chase, after I see the dude (his name was Scottie, not to be confused with the real Scottie) going back and forth acquiring larger and larger implements, and hearing some good sounding wacks, I inquire, “Is there a problem?”
I was informed that some nut or bolt or something is stripped… Need to go to Jim’s Hardware for a replacement. [Jim’s is around the corner.]
Mind. I am alone. John is on his way to the beach. I am now assessing my I’ve-made-a-bad-decision-and-must-backtrack options.
In the end, it all worked out and I was back on the Farm in less time than it would have taken the other place.
I spent all day writing this. Give it a go. I didn’t get it to where I wanted it to go, but it’s good enough.
I would like your opinions. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the book business, the book market, book publishers, book writers, and most importantly, book readers. I have some comments and questions.
I do not know the book business. But I do know retail (read large chain companies like JCPenney, Macy’s, etc.). I know how retail has changed over the last 50 years or so. A lot of that change was concomitant with the growth of computers and the internet, but there is more to it than that. Without going into unnecessary– but fascinating– detail, the bottom line is that a store’s merchandise assortment, i.e., the stuff on shelves, tables, and racks, went from being almost completely controlled by a human being who lived and worked in the same town as her customers, to being controlled by someone who did not– someone who had no earthly idea what the local market liked or wanted.
This happened gradually but the end result was huge. Of course, you have to be of a certain age to appreciate this. If you grew up knowing that the stuff that was available in your local JCP was the same stuff in the JCP 300 miles away, you wouldn’t know there was a time when it wasn’t. You would not know that at one time your choices varied, sometimes significantly, depending on where you were. You wouldn’t know, in other words, that the assortment of merchandise in a store once reflected the tastes and styles of the local market, and not the buyers who worked on 7th Ave. in New York City.
What does this have to do with books? Everything. There’s an old fashioned idea that consumers create a demand for a product, and creators/producers fill that demand. A creator may create something previously unknown, some people saw it, and before you know it, everyone wanted it. In steps a producer who churns out enough for (nearly) everyone who wants the thing. This idea assumes producers know the market.
Let’s look at the principles involved in the book market. We have first, the creator– the writer. The writer is to books as the designer is to clothes. Just as the designer needs to convince the manufacturer to produce quantities of her piece, so to does the writer need to sell their book or idea to a publisher. (For clothing, manufacturers could be buyers at Walmart who’ll pick up the design under the WM label, name band fashion houses, etc.; Birkenstocks. Jordache. Turtlenecks. Dolman sleeves.)
So we have the writer and the publisher. In the book world nothing happens in traditional publishing without the agent– the person to whom a writer pitches his book, and who then sells the book idea to a publisher. There are then book distributors (stores, online). And finally, the book reader.
Let us look now at an example of something I keep coming across:
I have written a book aimed at 4th-6th graders. It is a guide to ghosts and ghost hunting written in the guise of a nonfiction book but it written in the first person by a fictitious ghost expert who tells funny, fictional stories about his experiences throughout the book. I am having trouble knowing how to describe it to a publisher in my initial contact with them.
Not going to site this, it’s from a members only children’s book writing forum.
Let’s just assume this is well written, funny, and a good story. What do the comments say?
I think the “right number of books” one is putting the cart before the horse. The right sized house to have is the one that accommodates the number of books in your current library times 10% increase for each year you plan on living in the house until you have to move because your current house no longer accommodates your library.
For those who want to do the math– if you currently have, say 4000 books and estimate that your house could hold 6000, you will need to move in less than five years.
We hit 117* on the Heat Index yesterday. Today will be no different. It’s funny how when something like this snow in February happens– or really hot days in August–you think ahead to really hot days in August– or snow in February– and try to put the weather into perspective.
You think it will help but it doesn’t, really. It’s still hot.
I had to vacuum the Den and the master bath before I figured it out! Solution below the fold.
To clarify a bit. Each of the four shapes has one value (positive integers). The numbers in each of the eight figures are the sum of the shape’s value PLUS the values of the shape(s) it over laps with.
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Choose any currency."},"invalid_curency":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Please choose a valid currency."}},"recurring":{"placeholder_text":"Recurring","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"How often would you like to give this?"},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"How often would you like to give this?"},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"How often would you like to give this?"}},"name":{"placeholder_text":"Name on Credit Card","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter the name on your card."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Enter the name on your card."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Please enter the name on your card."}},"privacy_policy":{"terms_title":"Terms and conditions","terms_body":null,"terms_show_text":"View Terms","terms_hide_text":"Hide Terms","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"I agree to the terms."},"unchecked":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Please agree to the terms."},"checked":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"I agree to the terms."}},"email":{"placeholder_text":"Your email address","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your email address"},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Enter your email address"},"blank":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your email address"},"not_an_email_address":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Make sure you have entered a valid email address"}},"note_with_tip":{"placeholder_text":"Your note here...","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Attach a note to your tip (optional)"},"empty":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Attach a note to your tip (optional)"},"not_empty_initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Attach a note to your tip (optional)"},"saving":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Saving note..."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Note successfully saved!"},"error":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Unable to save note note at this time. Please try again."}},"email_for_login_code":{"placeholder_text":"Your email address","initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."},"blank":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your email to log in."}},"login_code":{"initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."},"success":{"instruction_type":"success","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."},"blank":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Check your email and enter the login code."}},"stripe_all_in_one":{"initial":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your credit card details here."},"empty":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Enter your credit card details here."},"success":{"instruction_type":"normal","instruction_message":"Enter your credit card details here."},"invalid_number":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card number is not a valid credit card number."},"invalid_expiry_month":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration month is invalid."},"invalid_expiry_year":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration year is invalid."},"invalid_cvc":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's security code is invalid."},"incorrect_number":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card number is incorrect."},"incomplete_number":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card number is incomplete."},"incomplete_cvc":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's security code is incomplete."},"incomplete_expiry":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration date is incomplete."},"incomplete_zip":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's zip code is incomplete."},"expired_card":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card has expired."},"incorrect_cvc":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's security code is incorrect."},"incorrect_zip":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's zip code failed validation."},"invalid_expiry_year_past":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card's expiration year is in the past"},"card_declined":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The card was declined."},"missing":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"There is no card on a customer that is being charged."},"processing_error":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"An error occurred while processing the card."},"invalid_request_error":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"Unable to process this payment, please try again or use alternative method."},"invalid_sofort_country":{"instruction_type":"error","instruction_message":"The billing country is not accepted by SOFORT. Please try another country."}}}},"fetched_oembed_html":false}
